cultural cannon fodder

with the price of gasoline rising, the amount of locking gas caps has risen approximately 60%, according to ray pohlman, a spokesman for autozone.

another interesting fact. the number of breathmints purchased has risen as well according to wes straper, a spokesman for ferrero usa, the makers of tic tacs.

i think we can link this to one thing, and one thing only. siphoning of gas is on the rise. its unforunate that one would go so low as to steal gas, but hey, with the risk is the reward, a few days worth of free driving. the other risk is the chance of a mouthfull of gas as you siphon the fuel through the hose. what people dont know is this comes from a law of bernoulli. bernouli's principal is simple, it states: as the speed of a moving fluid increases, the pressure within the fluid decreases. let me explain this in redneck for all those wearing the red "100% red blooded american" shirts from wal mart.

example, jasper, redneck bastard number 1, drives his camaro around a neighboring trailer park looking for some trailer with no american flags/stickers/magnetic ribbon on a car. as sure as brett farve is number 7, jasper finds his vehicle. he puts it in park and gets out.

in one hand is an old hose that came off of his camaro when he rebuilt his camaro engine and has it left over for some reason. anyway, in this other hand is a borrowed tupperware pitcher from his moms cubbord that still has stains in it from koolaid the day before. mind you, sugar is still residued in the bottom. he starts by opening the gas lid, taking off the cap, and placing the hose in the fuel tank.

now bernoulli states that as the speed of the fluild increases, the pressure decreases. as jasper puts his toothless mouth on the filthy line, and sucks, the pressure is intense and he must suck harder than, well, anyway, he has to suck hard. once pressure is attained, the speed will increase. once the fuel starts, it continues on its own based on bernoullis principal.

what jasper tends to do is suck too long and get a mouthful of gas by accident. this is where the breathmints come in handy. jasper learned this from redneck bastard number 2. his name is rodney. what rodney did was the perfect crime, right up til the moment he forgot his mints. whats interesting about rod, er, what was interesting was when rod lit up a cig to compensate for the rush of stealing fuel. yeah, it happened, his mouth blew up. jasper learned from his buddy that mints are way better and you should never forget them.

for all those interested, there is a new type of siphon out there with doesnt require the sucking action that jasper and rod had to go through. b & a products came up with a siphon that will save countless redneck mouths. a picture of it is posted towards the top of this post.

remember, be safe when stealing fuel. also, this post/blog is in no was responsible for any attempts made to steal fuel. you, like rod and jasper, are on your own. good luck!

while doing nothing the other day, i was sitting at a mcdonalds with one of my employees talking about how the summer went and other misc conversation.

we got on the topic of word play, and he mentioned something that made me laugh. mcd's has a certain advertisment stating, "i'm lovin it!" i dont know what they are loving or what "it" is, but to be certain, "i'm lovin it" remains quite a neutral and unbiased comment.

now lets bring in the topic of anagrams. an anagram (for anyone who has not read a dan brown book) is where you get a new meaning from changing up the letters, thus creating a completely different definition.

he come up with the funniest and most appropriate example of what the true meaning behind mcdonalds is. its the symbol of all the is sick and wrong in this world.

here is what he came up with. ailing vomit. i now know what "it" is, and i am lovin it!!!!